Perhaps it is inherent in the nature of the search for meaning and direction that, in moments of clarity, what is perceived as relative in a darker mood appears irrelevant. Alongside this, some unexpectedly rediscovered notes from 2022:
Somehow unfinished: that has been the basic vibe of the past few years. It crept in over the course of my studies and stubbornly occupied the remaining space between lecture material and life planning. To a distant, self-contained future, we may perhaps serve as a paradoxical example of a generation that, for the most part, managed to maneuver from one incomplete life situation into the next, while feeling completely depleted in the process.

19th April 2026, Postcard from Tbilisi

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Signpost?

A wonderful comment from Denmark: Perhaps returning to Saarbrücken will be a starting point for further exciting experiences you wouldn’t want to miss.

Yes, the sense of a step backward feels more fitting than that of progress. After all, even today the slogan ‘Saarland is Sparland’ is still very much remembered.
It’s not the first time there.
There had been no desire to return.
But there wasn’t really any notion of what came next either.

At this moment, it becomes remarkably clear that the milestone after Saarbrücken could have been Canada — and was never reached. The ‘postcard’ is a reminder of that as well. Gratitude is due to Canada.
It almost follows a certain logic, then, that the past years have turned into a circular path: each ascent bringing greater perspective. And with it the insight that the road to any destination leads through at least one more valley.

13th April 2026, Garden at city museum Düsseldorf

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Light pink: technically more saturated than standard pink

Not allowing the given path to harden into a fixed track: neuroscientific perspectives suggest that we shape the course of our lives. Every thought can become the impulse to accept an opportunity, to set out on a journey, to leave a place, to approach someone… Every thought can turn into action.
Moments in which joy is physical are fascinating. When the answer to ‘why?’ lies in a smile. When cause and effect are one.
Where one is missing, the other cannot exist. (This line of thought is also echoed in the question of the falling tree: does it make a sound if no one hears it?)

When do I know that I truly love her? asked the boy, and the old man smiled: When it is no longer a question. (Atticus)
Experience suggests that positive feelings, even when they appear banal or incidental, are reliable guideposts through uncertainty. What helps is an honest search for answers: How do I want to feel? How do I relate to the new things I desire? Is there fear when change actually occurs?

11th April 2026, Waldretter-Trail, Eifel

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White — the color of light unbroken

At Easter, a FAZ writer quoted Victor Hugo: If I were Jesus Christ, I would redeem Judas.

At its core, it was about understanding his — our shared — entanglement in the complexity of life. Some souls lose themselves in an existence that feels meaningless to them, allowing the time they are given to become a tragic farce. Many do not recognize that they need help. Some choose not to accept the support offered to them. Often, defiance becomes an astonishing, sometimes destructive force, to which self-assurance yields under the paralyzing belief that it requires isolation.

If change cannot take place exclusively inwardly, then a mindful gaze should be directed toward (apparently) external circumstances,” it says in A Course in Miracles. In adult life, are there external circumstances for which we do not inwardly decide, or have not already decided?

23rd March 2026, Krompach, Czech Republic

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A new cycle

Doubt arises from conflicting desires. Be clear about what you want, and doubt becomes impossible. (A Course in Miracles)

The argument is consistent: once one knows what the problem is, doubt becomes impossible. And if one truly intends to solve it, doubt disappears as well.
The conclusion, then, is that I do not know what I want.
Can a problem be clear if its solution is not?” (Hypothesis: without a solution, there is no problem?)

Mister apple crumble is uncompromising in His manner of conveying ‘What do you truly want?!’ not as a question, but as a command.
"My calm!" is the first reflex — and a clear contradiction. Keyword: we are the sum of our decisions.
"A job!" - Yes, but not just any job.
"An inspiring endeavor!" - Where does it fail?
And so the circle closes.

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Translation in progress

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Evening commute on the sidewalk

11th August 2023, travel agency Hanh Café

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“Friday, 11 p.m. — just before heading to Mui Ne, a burly cop, his sidekick, and a mountain of paperwork appeared. Meanwhile, the bus went in circles around the block (c.f. protection rackets against shops and restaurants. Talking about it, banks weren’t much help either — it took four ATMs to get cash with a European credit card).
Inside, there’s a sense of change that goes far beyond a mere change of location. My reality has shifted by thousands of kilometers and many hours from that of my family and my partner in Canada.

 

Lunch beyond the campus walls

07th August 2023, 4h30 p.m., university library (USSH)

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Language course, day two. Cô Hương drills intonation with relentless command: "Down!", "Up!", "Question?!", "Again!".

In July, the staff at the Embassy of the Socialist Republic of Việt Nam in Berlin gave a cheeky preview of Sài Gòn: visa fees — and even the change, since it’s cash only — seemed negotiable (great concept!). Court certifications? Missing. Yet, somehow, they were required to legalize documents that were supposedly already certified. Where one was supposed to get them just days before flying? A casual shrug. Next, please!

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